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It's apparently the middle of December now. This is the part where I ask where the second half of the year went but honestly I know where it went. I spent a good portion of it struggling with a depression that settled in after my mom died and led to me putting off a bunch of stuff and just pushing a lot of other stuff aside. And honestly, it's been hard because one of my usual coping mechanisms for that is writing and I've been kind of a big failure writing-wise this year. And those failures have made it even worse because I've got those to dwell on as well.
Okay, this journal went down the shitter real quick. I'd go back and edit that out but sometimes I feel like I hold back a lot because I don't want people to worry about me. There are a few folks who take it way too seriously when I vent (and if you think I specifically mean you, it's not just you) so I censor myself a lot even in private posts. And maybe I should do that less and be more upfront. I just can't shake the feeling that if people knew how miserable I am sometimes, I'd have to stop every five minutes to reassure them all that I'm fine and at least getting through the day.
But enough of that. Really.
We're finally actually getting some real snow here. We had a flurry in October that melted within 6 hours but last week we actually got a little snow. Not in any sort of notable quantity but it's been cold enough that it hasn't melted yet. But around here, we don't get any sort of notable quantity of snow until late-ish January. With a few rare exceptions, the weather here is pretty predictable in that regard (to the point where it actually frustrates me when people take it seriously when they hear predictions like "We'll get a bunch of snow right after Thanksgiving" or some such).
Still putting together a lot of the paperwork and legal stuff for my mom's estate. I hate doing this but somebody has to and it may as well be me. But I've dragged my feet enough on it.
I don't have any major Christmas plans. I usually hang out at my Dad's for a bit Christmas day, and after talking to him he's gotten me to come out and just crash at his place for Christmas Eve as well. I think he knows how I've been feeling lately and really wants to help but I'm just not sure he's any more equipped to help me unpack this than he is to fill one of my cavities. Sometimes you just need a professional. (I also think he overestimates just how many evenings I spend in the house staring at the walls, which isn't as many as it seems sometimes.)
I'm just not where I'd be at this point in the year, physically or emotionally and I'm trying to drag myself out of that. Trying to get my writing in where I can and keep myself distracted from stuff when it's appropriate (problem is, I keep distracting myself when it's not appropriate but that's another kettle of fish). Finding what enjoyment I can get where I can get it.
I just want to thank everyone for putting up with me these past couple of years. It's been rough for me for a while and things earlier this year just really kicked me when I was down. Hopefully I'll have things pulled together and on the right track soon enough.
Okay, this journal went down the shitter real quick. I'd go back and edit that out but sometimes I feel like I hold back a lot because I don't want people to worry about me. There are a few folks who take it way too seriously when I vent (and if you think I specifically mean you, it's not just you) so I censor myself a lot even in private posts. And maybe I should do that less and be more upfront. I just can't shake the feeling that if people knew how miserable I am sometimes, I'd have to stop every five minutes to reassure them all that I'm fine and at least getting through the day.
But enough of that. Really.
We're finally actually getting some real snow here. We had a flurry in October that melted within 6 hours but last week we actually got a little snow. Not in any sort of notable quantity but it's been cold enough that it hasn't melted yet. But around here, we don't get any sort of notable quantity of snow until late-ish January. With a few rare exceptions, the weather here is pretty predictable in that regard (to the point where it actually frustrates me when people take it seriously when they hear predictions like "We'll get a bunch of snow right after Thanksgiving" or some such).
Still putting together a lot of the paperwork and legal stuff for my mom's estate. I hate doing this but somebody has to and it may as well be me. But I've dragged my feet enough on it.
I don't have any major Christmas plans. I usually hang out at my Dad's for a bit Christmas day, and after talking to him he's gotten me to come out and just crash at his place for Christmas Eve as well. I think he knows how I've been feeling lately and really wants to help but I'm just not sure he's any more equipped to help me unpack this than he is to fill one of my cavities. Sometimes you just need a professional. (I also think he overestimates just how many evenings I spend in the house staring at the walls, which isn't as many as it seems sometimes.)
I'm just not where I'd be at this point in the year, physically or emotionally and I'm trying to drag myself out of that. Trying to get my writing in where I can and keep myself distracted from stuff when it's appropriate (problem is, I keep distracting myself when it's not appropriate but that's another kettle of fish). Finding what enjoyment I can get where I can get it.
I just want to thank everyone for putting up with me these past couple of years. It's been rough for me for a while and things earlier this year just really kicked me when I was down. Hopefully I'll have things pulled together and on the right track soon enough.
